In a still unraveling case in Oregon, police reports reveal a strange case of alleged crotch sniffing by former VP Al Gore described by the plaintiff as nothing more than ' a hound dog with a pedigree....a sex crazed poodle!"
The plaintiff, her name redacted in reports, says she is a licensed masseuse and was called on in 2006 to 'relieve some stress' for the Vice President while on a mission to Portland to discuss excessive calorie consumption during sex with a group of liberal leaning proponents for abstinence from heterosexual activity.
According to the woman, she found Gore slumped on a massage table, looking much like a beached whale, complaining of intense constipation requiring gentle massage and manipulation of his lower stomach and upper groin area.
"I began to suspect something was not right when the VP began to moan, tried to hump my elbow, and attempted to push my hands down to his now trembling, tumescent, little hooded soldier,' she said blushing demurely.
When I removed my hands, he began to whine most pitifully, but when I again refused to offer him penile relief, he began to growl, snapping his jaws, drooling, and the hair on his chest and back began to rise. Quite frankly I was terrified of not only getting bitten, but being infected with some social disease like rabbis....God only knew who he'd been biting on lately!"
The woman said she finally managed to forge her escape from the hotel room after she told him to "sit & stay and I'll give you a treat you'll remember!"
She then said she managed to escape, her last vision of Al was him on the table looking slightly contorted as he attempted to lick his balls.
The woman said when she finally got home she noticed some stains on her smock where she said Gore tried to hump her. 'It was much too low for saliva, so I think I know what it is....right now it's in a plastic bag in my bank safety deposit box (sic), and I consider it my 401k plan, I even gave it a name, "My Inconvenient Stain."
Though now estranged and heading for divorce, Tipper Gore said she is willing to offer help to her husband, and said she has called on famous Dog Handler to the Stars "The Hollywood Dog Whisperer" who claims he never met a dog he couldn't 'fix.'
Tipper told a close confidant "Al's sex drive was an inconvenient truth we always tried to keep under wraps, I thought when he started banging Laurie David on a regular basic he had found a way to curb his enthusiasm...goes to show, even new tricks can't cure an old pussy HOUND!"
