Why Aliens Almost Always Abduct Americans

Written by Skoob1999

Monday, 12 April 2010

image for Why Aliens Almost Always Abduct Americans
Please Bend Over Earthling.

An inquiry was launched late last night in an Ipswich pub by three slightly tipsy blokes who just happened to be wondering why it appears to be that most Alien Abduction cases occur in the United States.

A number of interesting ideas were put to the floor before the three chaps called time on the debate and wobbled down the road to a nearby kebab shop.

It was generally agreed that the Aliens preferred to abduct US citizens for two reasons. The first reason being that the USA is quite a large country, which is extensively illuminated at night - an important element in attracting UFO activity. The second reason cited was that, with America being the world's richest nation, its citizens have greater access to essential evidence gathering tools, such as digital cameras and cell phones.

It was suggested that it would be a pretty pointless exercise for Aliens to land in some remote part of South America, or Asia, because local human populations would not recognise them for what they are. It is also thought that Aliens prefer to make contact with Americans, rather than remote tribesmen, because Americans are quite spontaneous and really good at hogging the limelight and mugging for the cameras. American males are also much more likely to respond dramatically to the threat of having an Alien probe shoved up their arses than the average Greek, or Turk.

Which makes for much better home movie footage for the Aliens to show their buddies back home. Better to have an American throwing a fit, than an indifferent Siberian or Chinese guy.

Tomorrow the three slightly tipsy blokes are expected to conduct a discussion about SHC - Spontaneous Human Combustion, which will probably conclude that lighters and petrol aren't a good combination when brought together by a drunk.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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