New Healthy Cigarettes

Written by Xinix Xaxx

Friday, 29 January 2010

image for New Healthy Cigarettes
Ted Holst is getting his daily vitamins from his smokes.

Cigarette wimp Millip Phorris unveiled it's latest product today, a new type of cigarette called Vitasmoke. Vitasmokes are an entirely new concept in smoking, not only do they offer full flavour, less tar and nicotine, but they actually provide 7 essential vitamins to the smoker.

"We don't want to have people thinking we don't care about the people who buy our products. We want everyone to think of Millip Phorris as the company that takes care of its customers."

Vitasmokes each provide the smoker with about 1/20th of a daily supply of Vitamins A, B1, B2, B12, C, D, and E. A pack of Vitasmokes per day will give a full supply of these few vitamins.

Surgeon General of the United Stated of America, Dr. Charles Viddeboombas, says this is an abomination.

"These will encourage people to smoke even more than ever! They might have a few positive elements, but they also have all the negative elements of a cigarette! They're full of tar, carbon monoxide, nicotine, acetone, all the deadly chemicals in cigarette smoke are in these. They just managed to add something they can call 'good for you' to say, on the pack, that these cigarettes are healthy! It's outrageous!" says Dr. Viddeboombas.

"We are looking into adding vitamins to all our cigarette brands," says Millip Phorris chairman, "Smokin" Joe Franklin. "People are going to smoke and we hope they choose our brands, and we want to try to help our customers out. Adding a few extra vitamins to their daily lives can't be bad for them."

Some of the brands produced by Millip Phorris are Bullboros, Llamas, Shinston, and the number one menthol brand, Oldport.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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