SACRAMENTO, CA - Ousted national beauty queen runner-up Chrissie Blujeans, 22, blew off her Sunday School lessons about forgiveness earlier this week, and decided to legally smite Miss Californication pageant co-directors Shauna M'Ogler and Keith Lewdis for slander, libel, disclosure of private facts, emotional distress and religious discrimination.
In her suit, but not in her birthday suit this time, Blujeans claims that her Miss Californication 2009 title exalted her and glorified her beauty even more than when she stripped for photographers as a teenager, so the removal of her pageant attire has symbolically stripped her of "a personal dream."
Blujeans claims it was M'Ogler and Lewdis, and not her own inflammatory comments, that made her "the subject of public ridicule, scorn and humiliation," which resulted in lost modeling jobs and public appearances, as well as medical expenses for "stress-related physical symptoms."
M'Ogler immediately mentioned the possibility of a countersuit, claiming "stress-related physical symptoms" incurred from resisting the urge to puke every time she has to deal with Blujeans.
"The defendants [M'Ogler and Lewdis] have taken no steps to restore Miss Blujeans' good name or to undo the great harm they have caused her," the lawsuit states.
M'Ogler noted Blujeans has taken no steps to undo the harm done by expressing personal views that polarized people, adding, "Like, um, I would say not getting millions of people pissed off at each other should always be the goal of any pageant contestant with a good name!"
Blujeans' suit claims that her attempts to marry church and the State of California's pageant pulpit were first thwarted in February of this year, when she claims M'Ogler menacingly indicated "it doesn't have to go down like this," but Blujeans "thinks she's, like, Oral Roberts or something."
Things got even worse April 19, when Blujeans gave her now infamous gay marriage response to the flaming Perrrez Piltun (try the last one backwards).
She claims after the pageant in which she finished as first runner-up, Lewdis and M'Ogler ordered her not to attend the afterparty because "too many people were angry with her."
"Yeah, right!" said M'Ogler, referring to the party, a somewhat immoral, slightly intoxicated, dancing orgy of leather, plaid, vintage polyester, spandex and, in some cases, absolutely nothing. When the former sash-wearer failed to show, they had burned a likeness of her in effigy.
"We sooo totally saved her ass on that one!" said M'Ogler.
Afterward, Lewdis and M'Ogler began to distance themselves from the scandal-plagued beaut-evangelist and, in doing so, Blujeans claims, they showed "no tolerance" for her faith.
Lewdis called the legal action a shameless public relations stunt.
"I'm offended that she's acting like a martyr," said Lewdis. "It seems like Chrissie can't really get anything going for herself. She has nothing new to talk about in her life. She's already got the world's freshest vagina. She's already got new fake breasts, but now she's looking for ways to milk her position as a victim for even more money."
So far, Blujeans has wisely chosen not to sue the man with the world's worst comb-over, owner of the Miss USA pageant, Ronald McTrump.
