Woman with World's Largest Vagina Loses It Over Pizza Toppings

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Saturday, 15 August 2009

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WERNERSVILLE, PA - Kate Gosselin told "Today" host Meredith Vieira Monday that she still loves her soon-to-be ex-husband Jon; apparently, her hatred for whole grain pizza with mushrooms, onions, and green peppers runs even deeper.

Police arrived at the Gosselin family home in Wernersville, Pennsylvania, around 6 p.m. Thursday to find Jon and Kate minus their senses, engaged in a bitter battle over pizza toppings after Kate Gosselin called police.

"No one was arrested and no citations were issued," said an officer who helped calm the situation down.

Sources indicate Kate called Jon to find out what kind of pizza the babysitter was going to order for the children. When she didn't approve of the toppings, an argument with Jon ensued.

Due to the custody agreement, Kate couldn't enter the property, said a source. "The cops had no choice but to tell Kate she couldn't go past the gate."

A distraught Kate put on her dark sunglasses and left in tears after the pizza delivery boy was personally escorted to the front door; she headed for the airport in Reading, Pennsylvania for a good cry.

"I cry all the time, in numerous airports, in airplanes. I'd rather not have my emotional life be so public," she said as she bawled for cameras in the bustling airport. "And after those tears, there's always the feeling of, 'how did I get here?'"

Experts indicate it may have had something to do with Gosselin, a registered nurse, choosing to take fertility drugs for her PCOS rather than exercising and eating lots of vegetables and whole grains to lose weight, widely considered the most effective method of restoring normal ovulation and menstruation.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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