Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy, in treatment at a Boston Hospital for multiple health issues, has been diagnosed with another ailment. Doctors announced today that the brother of the late President JFK has Cranial-Rectal Inversion.
When asked if this disease was fatal, Dr. Samuel Beckett said that "he's had this for over 40 years, so we don't see him dying of it any time soon. In fact, many politicians who have this condition continue to live with it for many years and can run successfully for office."
Dr. Beckett was also asked the cause of this disease: "Well, this is similar to Cranial-Rectal Insertion, but you don't get fecal matter into your eyes. In fact, people who suffer from the inversion tend to have shit for brains and talk out of their ass."
"This condition is mostly found in residents of Washington DC and other world capitols. We think it has something to do with the stuff meeting rooms and all of the hot air."
Other notable United States politicians who currently suffer from Cranial-Rectal Inversion include Nancy Pelosi, Barack Obama, Barney Frank, and Harry Reid.