Adam Lambert 's Summer Tour Sex Toys

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 6 August 2009


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image for Adam Lambert 's Summer Tour Sex Toys
Five sizes of Russian-made sex toys (photo courtesy of Edyta Sliwinska).

HOLLYWOOD - Well in the age old performing tradition of young female fans throwing their unmentionables (i.e. bras, panties, IUDs, etc.) on stage now comes a new type of complimentary stage act act.

It seems that during the nation-wide American Idol Summer Tour hundreds of little teen queens have been tossing more than just their phone numbers on stage during Adam Lambert's numbers.

Lambert told CNN's Anderson Cooper that some of these overly enthusiastic young fans are tossing sex toys, things such as diamond-studded leather tasseled whips, silk lavender bikini thongs, and glow-in-the-dark condoms.

Adam laughed and said that one girl tossed him a shocking pink Venetian Canal Vibrator with three speed settings, slow, fast, and oops you're pregnant.

Kris Allen, the American Idol winner, and a native of Arkansas, shakes his head and cannot believe some of the weird sex items that Lambert's fans are tossing up on stage.

Lambert laughs and says, "Poor Kris, when he is up there performing his fans toss things up on the stage like hand-sewn mittens, store-bought white socks, flip-flops, and dinner place mats.

Adam said that other day after he had finished his set, Kris walked up to him backstage and asked him what the hell a Scandinavian Stringed-Square Ball Sensoric Sultry Siren Wiggler was.

When Adam told him, Kris ran off toward the nearest bathroom holding his mouth and stomach while screaming "Oh no, no, noooooooo!"

Adam said that poor ole Kris is such a prude that he will not eat a hot dog in public. He'll fold it up and put it in his wallet and then he'll eat it later in private.

Ryan Seacrest the American Idol Summer Tour's announcer says that after Lambert performs two stage hands put on plastic gloves and gather up the various all and sundry sex toys and place them in a box marked, 'Various All and Sundry Sex Toys.'

He said that the next morning the box is shipped via FedEx to his office in Calabasas, California where two of his assistants sort everything out and then place about 90 percent of the items on eBay.

Seacrest said that Lambert and him are equal partners in this business endeavor. When asked how much he and Adam have made so far Seacrest grins and says that as of this past Monday, they have made $95,000 each on their eBay sales.

SIDENOTE: Ryan Seacrest reports that he and Adam Lambert have decided to open up a sex toy shop in West Hollywood. The shop, which will open on Labor Day is called The Sea-Lamb Unused Sex Toy Shoppe.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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