Washington D.C. - A just released national presidential preference poll of Republican voters has surprised politicians and pundits alike. The poll clearly demonstrates that conservative voters are unhappy with mainstream political candidates and are pushing farther to the edge of Right Wing ideology.
Conservative columnist George Will was perplexed. "I don't get it. There are people on this list who aren't even people. Have we truly become this desperate?"
FOX News pundit Sean Hannity's comment on the poll results was succinct. "We're in deep doo doo."
The one dissenter among national conservative figures was former Vice President Dick Cheney. "With a few exceptions, I think it's an admirable list of great Americans. The Republican party would be wrong not to listen to the will of the people."
Here is the Republican voters' list of favored candidates for the 2012 presidential election.
Joe the Plumber
Dog the Bounty Hunter
Bob the Builder
The Verizon Guy
Billy Bob Thornton