China is set to introduce a new wonderful and Mao-approved type of food, that they just know the world is gonna love. Happy Bat! That’s right, kids, ever tried eating a bat? Why not? Don’t know you’ll hate it until you try it, right? Delicious…
After witnessing the Taliban's 'fast-track' conquering 20 years of a total waste of billions of bucks in Afghanistan, Meatloaves, seventies, overweight pop-icons, decided to offer the world some 'poppy' relief by re-releasing their cult album, 'Bats…
Atlanta, GA - On Tuesday, scientists at the CDC announced an array of new symptoms that may occur during a COVID-19 infection. The researchers warned that a runny nose, sore throat and congestion are being added to the list of misery that comes wi…
With the world at the mercy of the threat the deadly Coronavirus has thrust upon us, it might settle a few nerves if we all had a nice cup of tea and a sit down, and partook of some gentle poetry. As readers will, perhaps, know, poetry can be very...
As the Coronavirus continues its relentless march around the globe, the city where it originated had some better news today, when it was revealed that many local restaurants serving local delicacy, Bat Soup, had reopened, and business was brisk. T...
The man who is thought to have been the very first patient to have suffered from the Coronavirus, is under strict medical supervision tonight, after it was noticed by doctors that he was undergoing some strange and unexplained mutation. The man, g...
A spokesman from Israel today told the United Nations that the Chinese are winding up with much of the money sent to help the PLO have food and necessities. China is using child labor to make solid round but lighter-weight but lethal stones and se...
Veteran actress, and coincidentally, seasoned spoof writer, Mathilde de la Mole has revealed how she was petrified to within an inch of her life, as she was attacked by a rubber bat in Universal Studio's 1946 production of 'The Bastard Hungarian Gyps...
Following a series of spurious internet allegations, local man, Martin Shuttlecock today categorically denied any and all allegations that he has been conducting an illicit and improper sexual relationship with a fruit bat. Up the loft. "I neve...
Bastards, that about sums them up. They eat fruit all day and night, then shit where they hang. "What's the problem?", You may ask, I will fukin' tell you mate! When your bed is directly under them, it don't bode well because the detritus sticks to clothing and skin. After a night of being shit on, I resemble a leper that has been in a nude paintball fight. Covered in it, I am. Then, the li...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today felt it necessary to explain how he has adopted a snow leopard, a Sherlock Holmes loving private detective and a colony of fruit bats - who all currently reside in his loft - even though nobody with any sense is r...
NEWBY NATURE NOTES: by Billy Murray What do birds and bats have in common? Eyes. Birds enjoy flying around and not bumping into things, but bats don't use their eyes for the same purpose. Bats use a type of radar in order to achieve the same result. However, since the discovery of the white-nose syndrome in bats found living in Newby village, Isle of Wight, there is a possiblity...
A new movie proposal is being considered by Robert Pattinson, in the title role of The Bat Man! No, it isn't Batman, but The Bat Man. According to the writers, this will be an adventure comedy role here the Bat Man who DOES fight crime, but is act...
The new American Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made the surprising claim that she is not a blood-sucking vampire. Speaking from the White House, as the sun went down over Washington DC, Mrs Clinton said: 'I don't know where these crazy rumors...
At last and unfortunately the little Pipistrelle bat (Pipistrellus pipistrellus) is noted to be on the increase in a paper published in the New Science magazine today.
In a report out today, scientists suggest that 65% of all bats who categorise themselves as "Vampire" are just exaggerating to look big in front of their mates.
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