WASHINGTON, D.C. - Hoping to partially offset record budget deficits, President Bush has called for a yard sale of unprecedented proportion. Republican members of the House and Senate will join the Bush administration in collecting various items and memorabilia, which will be sold on the front lawn of the White House.
The giant yard sale will be held the weekends of January 10-11 and 17-18 in hopes of generating much needed revenue before Bush leaves office. All proceeds will be figured into the outgoing administration's federal budget for the year.
Expected big draws include President Bush's collection of Dr. Seuss books that includes his personal favorites Hop on Pop; One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish; Green Eggs and Ham; and especially The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins. Many of the volumes are smeared with peanut butter and jelly, the President's favorite snack when reading in the White House library.
Said Bush, "I get so much enjoyment from those books. You know, I really hate to give 'em up, but tough times call for tough sacrifices." Also up for grabs are his limited edition Halliburton line of Tonka Toys, his Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures, and the Slinky he's sent down every staircase in the White House.
Reports indicate other lead revenue generators will include a Condoleezza Rice kissing booth and an Operation Iraqi Freedom lemonade stand. Here, supporters of the highly unpopular war that already has American faces puckering will "make the proverbial lemonade you make when life hands you lemons." The extra-tart thirst quencher will be going for $10,000 a glass.
Turnout for the event is expected to be very high. Experts predict revenue generated by the event should lower the $400,000,000,000 budget deficit expected to greet the incoming Obama administration to as little as $399,990,000,000.