Miami, Fl/ Homeland Security Briefing (Code RED) - In a startling find just hours ago, Fl. state police found thousands of discarded Weapons of Mass Destruction littering a little used highway leading to this Sun Drenched, Spanish Speaking Playground!
HAZMAT units were called in from around the state to secure the area and cordoned off the site, roughly the size of football field, to correspond with the estimated killing range of the devices.
Immediately responding to the alleged threat, President George W. Bush called in some favors and dispatched WMD expert Donald Rumsfeld to be in the field evaluating the extent, as well as the destructive range , of the danger.
A State Police spokesman, speaking off the record, as he was not authorized to talk about WMD threats, said the devices were a mixed bag, and appeared to be a combination of short range, and medium ranged missiles, capable of inflecting substantial damage with the proper launching facilities.
One eye witness said the WMDs appeared to be dumped indiscriminately, but with no apparent pattern.
"There were shoes everywhere,"he said, "work boots, sandals,clogs, sneakers, both hi and lo tops, and even a few scattered Birkenstocks, it was freakin' scary! They could do a lot of damage if they were thrown by the wrong people!"
Rumsfeld, appearing erie in a complete HAZMAT protective suit, called an immediate press conference after his thorough inspection of the weapons.
"Without a doubt, this find represents the largest discovery of WMDs ever found in the Free World. I am especially disturbed, that serial numbers found on the devices indicate that the country of origin and manufacture is positively linked to Pakistan!"
Pentagon spokesman, satellite linked to the former Secretary of Defense's conference, confirmed that they had moved to DEFCON 5, and were immediately launching defensive missiles into Pakistan aimed at shoe manufacturing plants operating in defiance of Geneva Convention protocol against destructive footwear.
It further appears that most of the shoes were used, and the FBI team has been dispatched to try and match TOE JAM residuals to existing DNA records of known terrorists.
