WASHINGTON, D.C. - George Bush has decided that after he leaves office on January 20, 2009, he will be moving to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania and joining the Amish community.
Bush will be legally changing his name from George W. Bush to Jorgen F. Bushentruber. The president stated that it is just something that he has been contemplating ever since he first made up that bull shit story about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.
He told a reporter for The Fort Worth Morning World News, "Hey, I'm not stupid. I know that everyone by now knows that I made up that story about there being weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
And let me finally be honest and tell everyone that the only reason that I made up that story to begin with was because I wanted to get Saddam Hussein for disrespecting my daddy.
I knew that there was no way that the American people would say okay George go get Hussein because he called your daddy a backwoods jerk...so Dicky (Cheney), Donnie (Rumsfeld), and me cooked up this cockamamie story about WMD (weapons of mass destruction).
Our first name choice was WTWFAE (weapons that will flatten all of Europe). But I told them that it was too many letters and a lot of Americans to do not like to see names with too many letters...so we agreed on WMD."
Laura Bush who is a non-Catholic said that she will not be joining her husband in Pennsylvania and has instead opted to return to the couples ranch in Crawford, Texas, The Lazy Bar B Arrogant Longhorm Ranch.
Mrs. Bush remarked, "Personally, I enjoy wearing women's deodorant, high heel shoes, and pantiliners."
When asked why in the world her husband had decided on this drastic move, Mrs. Bush replied, "You have to know George. And let me tell you a little secret.
He has never liked automobiles. And he is not at all fond of electricity. And on top of that, he doesn't like Ryan Seacrest, Katie Couric, or Geraldo Rivera.
Mrs. Bush smiled and said, "so basically, the bottom line is that Georgy has just always liked the horse and buggy concept."
In related news. Regarding their father's decision, one of the twin daughter's Jenna remarked, "It sure does look like my daddy's keyboard is missing a couple of keys doesn't it?"
