Honolulu, Hawaii/ Gourmet Magazine - Nonplussed by escalating, frantic demands from his Congressional leaders to rush through an emergency stimulus package for his starving, unemployed constituents, "The Magic Negro", as he was dubbed by a liberal LA Times staff writer, has instead issued focused on feeding the masses first.
Obama, with alleged roots in this island paradise, has instead called upon his newly appointed Cabinet Minister in Charge of Fighting Obesity, Oprah Winfrey, to mount a massive street corner distribution of the "Miracle Meat", SPAM.
Recalling the depression era days of the "Soup Kitchens" to feed millions of starving unemployed American workers, Obama visualizes fast food SPAM Emporiums on almost every major street corner through out the states with the exception of Alaska, which has proven to be depression proof, and self sufficient, and Israel which hasn't yet perfected a method to turn the pork based product "Kosher".
SPAM, invented in 1937 by a major meat packing plant, is famous, and popular, around the world as "the meat that saved the world." It is credited with saving the fighting men of the Russian army during WW II, keeping our troops fortified in the Pacific, and reducing the reliance of South Koreans on their family pets for sustenance, not to mention SPAM crazed Hawaiians.
Like Obama, SPAM was designed to have a long shelf life and appeal to every nationality and religious persuasion.
You can boil it, fry it, poach it, grill it,micro it, and even eat it "raw"....once you've tasted it, you're hooked for life, according to SPAM aficionados. Many fans say it provides instant gratification, ignoring possible long term health affects being studied by GOP nutritionists.
Off course, some critics say you can be hopelessly addicted to the food as well, and it does have side affects, not listed on the can, but posted on a medical web site.
SPAM intervention and rehab centers have started to spring up around the globe, but most psychologists say the addiction is not easily cured.
Meanwhile, Obama and his newly appointed Clinton cabinet continue to relax at his rented ocean front estate taking time to water ski, golf, play "Marco Polo" in the 400,000 gallon disappearing edge salt water pool, and hope the world's problems will solve themselves before January 20, 2009.
The Political Elite are said to be snacking on "Musubi", the ultimate SPAM sandwich garnished with pineapple, and a personal favorite of Madam Speaker "Del Monte" Pelosi.
Meanwhile, back in DC, "Mortgage Queen", Barney "Fanny" Frank is the only Democratic not fully on board the SPAM train. The New York Times said the Congressional Banking Chairman still enjoys the occasional pork butt in the "can", but aides say he was referring to his private lavatory adjacent to his Congressional office.
