Hillary "The Hun" Runs Amok With New Sec. of State Budget for "Personal Upgrades" & "Security!"

Funny story written by Morse

Monday, 1 December 2008

image for Hillary "The Hun" Runs Amok With New Sec. of State Budget for "Personal Upgrades" & "Security!"
No Expense Spared as "Hillary the Hun" Celebrates Appointment to Obama Cabinet with Arkansas Parade

Paris/Vanity Unfair - In a spending spree on personal perks, clothing, palace renovations , and transportation accommodations not seen here since Marie Antoinette, newly appointed Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has single handedly provided her own stimulus package to the EU.

Dispatching a small army of minions now on her congressionally approved staff, the team of surrogate shoppers have all but stripped the shelves of size 18 Matronly Pants Suits from the continent's leading designers along with appropriate matching baubles and bangles.

Turned loose with a bottomless taxpayer budget, the former First Lady, Senator from NY, and losing Democrat Presidential candidate, has promised to make her detractors pay...and pay...and pay!

Not being known for being a gracious loser in anything she sets her mind to, close confidants say they have never seen the revengeful power hungry diva this happy since she sacked the White House Travel Bureau and heard the news that informant Vince Foster had committed "suicide" by shooting himself 7 times in a Washington Park.

Among the list of new possessions bought by Taxpayers:

  • *One each of every hand bag ever produced by Coco Channel
  • Flattering pant suits specially designed by Donatella Versace in rare silk
  • Three matching sets of Secretary of State Traveling Luggage, including Trunks, specially commissioned from Louis Vuitton
  • Ruggedly handsome reverse sewn jackets and slacks from new fashion sensation Marni for "dressing down" in 3rd world countries
  • A complete selection of ass flattering ball gowns for world state dinner occasions from Oscar de la Renta
  • The latest undergarment foundations from Victoria's Secret, beefed up with body protecting armor from Inter American Security Products, Inc. (IPS), including a "ballistic groin cup" in case she gets into a "who's got the biggest dick" contest at upcoming cabinet meetings.

It has been reported that the Secretary's security staff has been in heated talks with GM and Boeing staffers to put her needs first in supplying personal transportation speciality vehicles, even if it means making President Elect Obama wait for his new limo and Air Force I.

Apparently her demands, backed by a threat to withhold bail out funds to the beleaguered companies, has been backed by Obama's newly appointed Clinton Cabinet, behind his back and without his knowledge.

Already capitol hill pundits are calling the new Presidency a Puppet Regime of the Clinton Coalition, claims supported with the announcement that Bill and Hillary are having their half of the White House renovated to accommodate their myriad business interests and influence around the world.

As a further financial aid to Hillary, Barney Frank, Chairman of the House Banking Committee, has voided her $12M campaign debt, and with the help of John Murtha and Nancy Pelosi secured a $5m bailout to reimburse her for a personal loan she gave herself during the campaign.

Costs for the Miraculous Makeover are expected to exceed $100B, factoring in her Orient Express railroad car, plane and limo purchases. Bill Clinton is said to be calling the cash infusion into the economy a bigger event than "The Second Coming", an event he is all too familiar with, according to the Secret Service Agents in charge of his social agenda.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more