The public's disgust in Wall Street workers has sunk to a record low following revelations that not one banker or stock broker had thrown themselves out the window following the world's recent market meltdown.
"It's a disgrace" claimed veteran funds manager Gerald Hopkins who as a young boy witnessed the carnage of The Great Depression.
"Back in my day people were always throwing themselves out the window" he said "One minute you'd be asking them what they wanted for lunch then a few seconds later they'd be waving good-bye as they sailed down past the twelth floor"
A spokesperson for Wall Street has hit back at the claims describing Mr Hopkins statement as "unfair and uninformed".
"You can't get the windows open in these new buildings" the spokesperson said "so most of us just stood on our desks and flung ourselves to the floor a few times"
A check with near by hospitals found that several stock brokers were treated in emergency rooms mainly for bruising and abrasions although one did require stitches after mistiming his leap and crashing head first into a photocopier.
"He came in for treatment for a small cut to his chin" a doctor on duty stated "then one of the nurses helped him wash all the ink out of his hair"