Bush: 'Economy will come back'

Written by Judge Retort

Friday, 17 October 2008

image for Bush: 'Economy will come back'
President Bush illustrates with his hands the phenomenon of economic cycles. Notice the cookies under the hand that's do

Trying to bolster consumer confidence, President Bush has just predicted that the economy would come back, stimulating many to wonder: just where did it go?

The usual pundits immediately cancelled their massages, wine tasting, and therapy to weigh in and comment:

OBAMA: The present administration, which I'm going to replace, has kept the economy, which won't come back until I'm President, hidden on the President's ranch, these last eight years.

But don't you worry,
it will come back,
after I change the direction,
of the country's economic policy,
the world's economic policy,
and we're not stopping there;
we'll change,
with your help,
the economic policy,
(with everyone working together),
of the Galaxy,
which, you all may as well know,
my advisors have informed me,
(and I predicted this),
is run by aliens.

MCCAIN: Oh, folks, don't let it get you down. I've seen economies go before, and they always come back. They're like cats. They disappear for days at a time... What's that, Mama? … No, Mama, you don't need to drown any kittens - you're not on the farm anymore. Go back to sleep…
Folks, I've been around a long time. I was there when Moses brought the first shekel down from Mount Sinai. I watched him secretly charge even his brother and sister interest. I watched him leverage brokered real estate deals from Egypt to Moab, promising that the children of Israel's deficit spending would get paid off as soon as he got to the promised land.

Folks, yes he never made it to the promised land, and yes their economy fell like the walls of Jericho. But it came back - and their new Bank of Samson held it high all the way up to the Roman bailout… Moma, leave those cats along! Put that ought-six down now! Folks, I gotta go. See you at the debate. Moma!...

PALIN: Oh, folks, I donno. We've seen the economy come and go, doncha know, up in Alaska. It'll freeze up like a glacier, and Todd'll go ridin' his skidoo all over it (he's such a rascal!), and then it always thaws back out, like springtime. But if Obama gets in, you know, everything'll go to hell in a handbasket, doncha know, and I'll be proposing Alaska secede and then maybe buy a few Canadian provinces.

BIDEN: The economy? *I* don't know where it went! *I* don't have it! Republicans have it! Not me! Hey, I'd *love* to have it. Wow… If I had the whole economy, I wouldn't need to be just a VP, I could be emperor. Whoa, emperor… OOOhhhhhoooooo, hoh, hoh, hoh!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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