Written by Tony Schmitt

Wednesday, 26 May 2004

image for Bush Urges Congress to Pass Federal Seafood Amendment
Shrimp an "abomination"

Washington, DC - Citing the need to protect the sanctity of eating seafood, President Bush has urged Congress to swiftly pass the Federal Seafood Amendment (FSA), which would define finned animals as the only proper aquatic food to eat.

"I call upon Congress at once to pass this Constitutional amendment, and to put an end to the works of certain activist fishermen," stated President Bush.

The FSA outlines that the only permissible seafood have fins and scales, as stated in the books of Leviticus and Deuteronomy. This would put an end to other exotic seafood poaching of squid, octopus, and crustaceans such as shrimp and lobster. Quoted from the proposed amendment: "Seafood in the United States shall consist only of fish or other scaled and finned underwater organisms."

President Bush's proposal already has the backing of the Republican Congress. Rep. Marilyn Musgrave is leading the charge in garnering support from outside organizations. "It is important to the survival of traditional eating that we plainly define what is acceptable and what is not. The Bible plainly states that eating non-fish is an abomination. If we are going to protect this great land of ours, we must take action. We must define what is right and what is wrong," stated Musgrave.

The move has not come without its detractors. The Maine Lobster Promotion Council, based in Bangor Maine, has been the most vocal against the proposed FSA amendment. "Who is President Bush to say what I can and cannot eat?" states Kristen Millar, the Executive Director of the MLPC. "For many, enjoying lobster is a way of life. This is nothing but discrimination against those who feel this way, and those who have jobs in this industry."

"I for one do not eat any kind of seafood because it's just not for me, but why should others who do enjoy it have to suffer for their likes?" says Enrique Sanchez, resident of Cleveland Ohio. "There are millions of people that do. Keeping them from a right to pursue the life and benefits they desire is totally wrong.

"It's just a matter of trying to intertwine religious teaching into the fabric of the country," continues Sanchez. "I guess there is no such thing as separation of church and state."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Food, Animals

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