Washington fiddles while America burns

Funny story written by Nick Cooper

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

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WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Bush, his Cabinet, advisers, and leading members of Congress are to lock themselves away in the White House on a crisis management course, in order to put off deciding how to solve the looming economic disaster facing Wall Street and threatening to cripple Main Street America.

Some of the activities planned for the one-day course are a team bonding session, word association games, one-to-one counselling, 360 degree feedback, bowling in the basement, and Nintendo Wii team sports. The day will be topped off by a barbecue on the White House lawn in the evening.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, who as a former Wall Street banker is doubly responsible for the mess, said that the day would help those attending to work together to dig the country out of the mess that the federal government has allowed to happen. "The time for decisive action has passed. Now we need to begin a process of meaningful evaluation so that our future response to these crises is effective. Also, if we stay in the White House long enough, then all of this might go away."

Senate Majority leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, both Democrats, slammed the administration's approach to the crisis in a joint statement. "We shouldn't be sitting around playing Nintendo and eating finest Pennsylvanian steaks - the President must accept that we control Congress and that we prefer outdoor activities and a more vegetable and salad based meal. Plus, we want the day held at Camp David. Getting away from Washington will give us space to think creatively and really slam-dunk this crisis onto the back burner for 24 hours."

While the stock market continues to spiral downwards as the price of oil has begun to climb again, the real issue according to President Bush is his personal score on the Nintendo Wii's 'Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games 2008'. At a White House press conference, he outlined his strategy. "First I'm gonna beat Paulson on the high jump, then me and Laura are gonna take on Reid and Pelosi in the relay. Then I'm gonna eat me some chow."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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