A newly discovered batch of well-preserved dinosaur bones, buzzwords, petrified position papers, and even candidates could provide new clues about life in the Republican Party some 150 million years ago.
The Bureau of Land Management announced the find, calling the quarry near Republican Party headquarters "a major dinosaur fossil discovery."
Excavation revealed at least four saurogops, which are small-brained lobbyist-loving dinosaurs, and two drugivorous talkradiodrones, according to the bureau. It may have also uncovered an herbsmoking libertarian.
The site doesn't contain any new species but offers scientists the chance to learn more about the madness of that time, said BLM paleontologist Steve Foss. "The fossilized dinosaurs are from the same late TotalAssic period as those at Dinosaur National Monument."
The area has long been known to locals and BLM officials as a dinosaur haven, but no one knew the magnitude until excavation began. "The preservation of these dinosaurs is excellent," Foss said, "They could easily be matched to specimens at the Republican National Convention."
BLM isn't disclosing the exact location of the find because of security concerns. "If the American people find out that these dinosaurs are still around," warned a spokesman, "They would surely destroy these historical relics."