Clinton to Obama: Stay in the race, see if I care

Written by Tragic Rabbit

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

image for Clinton to Obama: Stay in the race, see if I care
Don't tell Barack, but he's stinky.

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton had a few words of advice today for her rival, Senator Barack Obama: Stay in the race as long as you want - see if I care.

"What's my attitude? My attitude is that Senator Obama can run as long as he damn well wants," Mrs. Clinton said at a press conference in a smelly high school gymnasium somewhere in Pittsburgh. "He obviously believes he would make the best nominee and the best president.

"And I'm sure his mother agrees," Mrs. Clinton added, snidely.

A few prominent Clinton supporters have recently suggested that the time has come for Mr. Obama to consider withdrawing from the race. Former president Bill Clinton, for one, said last week that Mr. Obama could not possibly win and that his public niceness to Mrs. Clinton was worse "than anything that John McCain has said."

Mr. Obama's forces have mounted a vigorous counter-attack, saying that Mrs. Clinton is a really, really sweet person who probably isn't half as grouchy as she sounds. He suggested that party leaders and television reporters might be trying to bully her and make her be mean, when she'd rather not.

Mrs. Clinton's husband, the former president, dismissed the notion that all the punching and name-calling has hurt the party's chances of capturing the White House:

"Are you kidding? Nobody would ever be president if it wasn't for name-calling. It's a fine American schoolyard tradition, right along with pulling pigtails, pantsing, and lighting trashcans on fire with gasoline," said Mr. Clinton.

"We just need to relax and let this shitstorm happen."

Tragic Rabbit, US News & Hurled Report, Washington

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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