Friday, 11 January 2008

image for State of Georgia Outsources Prisons to Taliban

Atlanta, Georgia (IPP) - The state of Georgia has outsourced its prison system to the Taliban. The result of this action is that American citizens residing in Georgia prisons are routinely tied up, tortured, beaten, and left to starve or die of dehydration.

Georgia's governor, Dempsy Dumpster, says that "this is what Jesus would do so why all the fuss?"

He went on to say that "It is not enough to take a man's freedom from him in the southern bible state of Georgia. The Georgia inmate must be beaten and tortured and made as angry as possible. This treatment motivates the inmate to go out and take his anger out on others after he is released. We have too many people in Georgia now and in this way we can relieve the terrible overcrowded mess we have in our great state."

Inmates who complain of poor treatment are beaten again and this serves to instil in them a feeling of what Jesus would do for them - if Jesus was from Georgia. Georgia has more prisoners per capita than any other US state and also more than any other country in the world.

Georgia's laws facilitate the incarceration of as many folks as possible in order to maintain the voracious appetite of its prison-industrial complex. Many folks in Georgia simply do not have the brain power to get real jobs that require skill or intelligence and so Georgia has more citizens working in the prison system than any other state.

One girl from Andrews, North Carolina was recently driving through Georgia in a Jeep with a steering problem that was the fault of a factory defect. She was involved in an accident on her way home from a baseball game near Atlanta when her steering failed. As a result four members of her church group died. Georgia law says that when a fatal ACCIDENT occurs that someone must be charged wuith a crime despite the fact that accidents are accidents. The girl is now facing time in a Georgia prison thanks to Georgia's draconian laws written by Neanderthals.

It was revealed by one of his opponents during the current Georgia governor's run for office that he had been involved in a shady deal where he allegedly was given the opportunity to buy a piece of land near an interstate highway at an artificially reduced price and then he made millions on the shady sale of the same land. Maybe the good governor will someday see how things really are in Georgia's prisons after an extended stay in the same.

Sir Winston Churchill once said that "you can judge the level of a civilisation in a society by the way it treats its prisoners...". You do not have to worry about the level of civilsation in Georgia because there is not any. Recently the bumpkins in the Georgia legislature defeated the enactment of a law that would have made dog fighting a serious criminal offense in that state. Atlanta Falcon quarterback Vick was prosecuted by the Federal government, not Georgia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Prison, Taliban, Georgia

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
67 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more