Naked Inmates "Will Be Made To Pay"

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Friday, 28 September 2007

image for Naked Inmates "Will Be Made To Pay"
"I need your clothes"

Inmates at a jail in Staffordshire have had their right to wear clothing taken away by Her Majesty's Prison Service, who are determined to make prisoners pay for the crimes they commit.

Werrington Young Offenders Institution near Stoke has removed all clothing from its inmates, leaving them "cold and upset", says a report in the Prison Service Journal this month.

Initially, one inmate was asked to remove his clothing for a strip search, but when staff realised how terribly uncomfortable and embarrassing this was, they hit upon the idea of keeping their lags in their "birthday suits", and organised a mass "togtheft". The inmates' tatty clothes were then distributed to local charities.

A spokesman for the Howard League, a bunch of wets who, in part, look after the 'rights' of criminals, complained:

"This is not the first time Werrington has been criticised. Recently, they made an inmate cry when his drugs stash was confiscated."

Werrington Governor Klaus Schnitzel was quoted as saying:

"We decided to float this crazy idea that, if we made things less comfortable, people might decide that prison was too unpleasant, and that they might not risk committing crime."

Director General of the Prison Service Phil Wheatley said:

"It's a trial. We may be in a position to announce the results after the jail has finished burying all the recent suicide cases it's been having."

According to an unofficial source who was just last week released from Werrington:

"Bumming is on the up."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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