America's Evangelicals Yearn for Electable Taliban-Style Leader

Funny story written by funwithwords

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

image for America's Evangelicals Yearn for Electable Taliban-Style Leader
One Nation Under God (above)

United States of America -- Self-described "evangelical values voters" have voiced extreme frustration that the GOP field has not produced a Taliban-style leader to run for the U.S. Presidency. "This is a Christian Nation -- we are one nation under God," one evangelist demanded, "and if people have a problem with that, then they should just leave."

Although most Christian evangelical leaders have been, in essence, muzzled by a political correctness run amok, it was just six years ago that the late Jerry Falwell was spot-on during fellow Christian evangelist, Pat Robertson's television show concerning the Islamic evangelist's U.S. attacks in 2001:

    "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

It's still not altogether clear how anyone can subscribe to a secular belief system of live and let live. For the Christian God is not a secular God. The Christian God does not tolerate infidels, and neither should true Christians, plain and simple. As for homosexuals, anything short of a complete separation from society is insufficient. Eventually, and once a Christian Nation has been fully established, perhaps a reinstatement of stoning will be appropriate here, which will have the added benefit of releasing much of the burden from the taxpayers due to prolonged incarcerations.

And the Pagans, despite their ancient contributions to Christian traditions and holidays such as Christmas and Easter and Halloween, Paganism must not be allowed to flourish either. Thus, these infidels must be dealt with in the same fashion that murderers and homosexuals will be dealt with. As for abortion, it is murder and will be dealt with accordingly. There is no difference between being 1 hour pregnant vs. 89 days pregnant. Abortion is murder, hence, it is wicked. Murderers will be put to death along with all of the other infidels, as God hates those who hate Him.

Although most of the GOP candidates running for President do not excite the Christian evangelical movement as a whole, it appears Republican candidate Mitt Romney is achieving progress with many. Which is ironic, for Romney is a religious man too, but just not of the true Christian evangelical tradition. For Romney, it turns out, is a Mormon (a cultist, a false prophet; likewise, there is a reason why Mormons set up camp in the Utah desert so many years ago).

However, perhaps the Christian evangelical movement will choose to latch onto Mitt Romney's coattails for just long enough to gain power over the land. Eventually then, it should be expected that the true believers will, and rightly so, crush him. For Romney is ultimately an infidel as well, thus, he shall be dealt with accordingly.

One glorious nation under God. It may take awhile to fully achieve, but one only need to look so far as pre-9/11, evangelical Afghanistan for a full appreciation of the wondrous possibilities that lie within grasp even here in the United States of America, God willing.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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