Walgreens Markets Terrorist Kits on CNN's Glenn Beck

Funny story written by TheOneLaw

Thursday, 15 November 2007

image for Walgreens Markets Terrorist Kits on CNN's Glenn Beck
CNN's very own Architect of Terrorism, Glen Beck

CNN's Glen Beck is preparing a show describing how 'Home-Grown' terrorists regard Walgreens as a ready one-stop supply center for the kinds of weapons-grade materials necessary to build bombs, IED's and other nefarious devices.

The Glenn Beck staff have been busy building a makeshift laboratory in the studio with demonstrations of various chemical and explosives devices they have prepared as advised by consultants from various radical and clandestine groups previously associated with the show.

According to Dave Horowitz, one of Beck's staff, Walgreens provides the most readily usable stock of household chemicals in a single point which can be compromised. He related how show staff built their very own Sleeping Nerve Gas (as used by Russian police to gas and kill numerous terrorists in a Moscow theater hostage incident - unfortunately the gas killed many of the hostages as well). In their studio version, the gas was made from a collection of prescription and non-prescription drugs and demonstrated on a caged dog. (witnesses describe the dog as 'mostly surviving' the incident). Also to be demonstrated is how to buy at Walgreen's the complete ingredients to create a home-made fuel-air bomb, but where they plan to film this demonstration remains unknown.

It is said that this involves ordinary pesticides aerosols embedded in some household cleaning agents, but the exact recipe will be revealed on the show.

When asked why the Glenn Beck show will be televising how to create tools of terrorism one source indicates that Walgreens has been late in paying for their sponsorship. This also agrees with Glenn Beck's agenda to foment revolution inside America in order to give CNN a news front a bit closer to home - the accountants are complaining the Iraq war is too far away and becoming difficult to support due to the high airfares involved. The accounting division thus recommended a new war closer to home.

After the Ron Paul campaign declined to participate in a homegrown terrorism segment, Glenn Beck decided to go it alone and has begun to assemble a subversion from various disaffected Right-Wing extremists he has previously consulted with. Walgreen's representatives have not responded to queries except to say "watch CNN's Glen Beck show for further details."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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