US and A - Rear Admiral Joe Walsh (Commander Submarine Force U.S. Pacific Fleet) and Captain Ted "Terrible Ted" Nugent (Motor City Madman) vow to meet with every submarine commander, following a serious coverup onboard the submarine USS HAMPTON (SSN 767) that has resulted in the firing of at least ten people.
"We don't expect to find anything like what happened on HAMPTON," said Nugent. "It's not like we want to see heads roll. We just wanna rock-and-roll, brother!"
Walsh added, "Dude, I did coke like it was goin' outta style. That stuff'll kill you. Rehab saved my life!"
It is not known when Walsh and Nugent will wrap up their investigation, but it is rumored that the pair are planning a concert tour together next year.