Code Red: Santa Claus Detained!

Funny story written by Julia Bodeeb White

Thursday, 8 November 2007

image for Code Red: Santa Claus Detained!
Santa Claus

Children everywhere may be in for a nasty surprise on Christmas morning. The North Pole Daily has reported that Santa has been detained during a fly over practice run over Washington D.C. It seems some suit over at Langley didn't like the "Impeach Bush" bumper sticker on Santa's sleigh.

Santa's sleigh was escorted down via fighter jets scrambled to stop the red scourge of free speech. Santa is now detained in an undisclosed location. A White House news conference announced that America is safe from the possible dissemination of free speech rights from spreading nationwide on Santa's Christmas Eve trek.

Santa has been added to the Terrorism Watch List. Mrs. Claus and the children were added to the list too. His friend Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer tried to bite an agent who was cuffing Santa; Rudolph has been charged with assault and put on the Federal No Fly list.

Feds attempted to waterboard Santa but his excess weight gave his so much buoyancy they could not keep him under water. When they tried to get Santa to crack about what he had planned for his flights over DC he refused to talk and instead sang "Let it Snow" in a loud, joyful voice. Then he requested a lawyer from the ACLU.

Upon being forced to listen to the song Hail to the Chief over and over while wearing only his Santa hat, Santa withstood the torture and coolly informed the Feds that his sleigh was quite heavy this year because Valerie Plame's book was the most popular Christmas gift ever. He sweetly asked: Have you read it yet?

It is the morning of Christmas Eve and liberals everywhere are frantically working to get Santa released in time for his annual flight to deliver gifts. Code Pink has staged a protest in front of the White House. Members are chanting "Free Santa" and waving Impeach Bush signs. Move On has taken out an ad in the New York Times demanding Santa's release and castigating Bush for Santa abuse. Condi's holiday shopping was interrupted by a woman who accosted her in Bloomingdales and waved her blood red hands in Condi's face. The woman was wearing a pink t-shirt that said "Free Santa."

Mothers everywhere are shopping for cookies and milk for their children to put out for Santa. They pray for Santa's safety and hope Santa is released soon so the kids will awake to presents under the tree from Santa. CNN has a big question mark under their headline "Santa Tracker" that is supposed to be tracking Santa's flight from the North Pole.

The Alaskan Railroad is offering free fares to all who want to travel up to the North Pole to comfort Mrs. Claus in her time of need.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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