Rudy Giuliani declares war on all alien life forms; vows to rebuild SETI and NASA space programs with offensive capabilities

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Sunday, 21 October 2007

image for Rudy Giuliani declares war on all alien life forms; vows to rebuild SETI and NASA space programs with offensive capabilities
Our new enemy?

Washington, DC - During a Giuliani campaign rally, an 8-year-old-boy asked him what he would do as President of the United States if it were discovered that alien life existed on another planet and it was hostile toward us. Without hesitation Giuliani responded, "I would attack it immediately, using Bush's Pre-Emptive First Strike Doctrine which would be only the beginning for me. Because, frankly, with all do respect, I don't think he took it far enough as he could or as I would."

Giuliani later added, "That is unless the alien life form was pregnant then I would protect its right to have an abortion. But not if it was an illegal alien life form in which case I would immediately deport it before it multiplied (gave birth) and took away any more American jobs from outsourcing contractors."

Moreover, Giuliani promised to revoke the legal status of illegal aliens' offspring (children) already in existence (born) after the year 2000 as citizens under the Constitution. Because as everybody knows that is what the Founding Fathers intended when they wrote the Constitution granting citizenship to anyone born on U.S. soil, planet earth, claims Giuliani.

Furthermore, Giuliani promised to refund the SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) program to pickup any traffic from alien civilizations that maybe conspiring against us right now, jealous of our freedoms.

"Fortunately, for America, I have perfect hearing," said Giuliani. "And currently I'm not picking up any hostile alien chatter that I would classify as a threat right now from within our solar system."

Although Giuliani cautions that he is picking up hostile traffic within a crevasse on an asteroid in deep space from a precognizant fungal-based life form that will not reach either self-awareness or the outer rim of our galaxy for a few million years from now.

"That should give us just enough time to rebuild our NASA space program with a new line of near light speed starships with jump drive capabilities," said Giuliani. "So we can get there just in time to blow them up. Is that clear little boy? Good. Next question, please."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more