Republican National Committee Promotes War With Iran

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

image for Republican National Committee Promotes War With Iran
So...where's this Iran then?

A group of sickly dweebs at the Heritage Foundation sent a memo this week to members of the Republican National Committee, outlining talking points for rationalizing a nuclear strike against Iran. After losing the last election, and seeing their fundraising advantage disappear, the RNC is now convinced that the only way for them to win the next election, is to promote patriotic hysteria by attacking Iran.

The Heritage Foundation is an elite and exclusive group of pale-faced, conservative philosophers, ideologues and propagandists...who meet in seclusion, to concoct the overarching conservative ideology, which comprises the insipid rightwing ideological tripe disseminated through rightwing talk radio...from the belicose rantings of Rush Limbaugh, to amusingly vile and anal diatribes of Michael Savage, and the vicious hate speech of Ann ideology which often finds itself mouthed in a more dilute form by the mainstream corporate media.

Harvard Professor of Political Science, Barney Hampton, remarked this week, that the Republican Party is facing disaster in the next election, because of their continued cowardly support of George Bush and his hideously unending, and pointless war in Iraq.

"The Democratic Party used to be considered the party of People, and the Republican Party was the party of Big Money." Professor Hampton noted. "Now, however...because the Republicans, astonishingly ignored the outcome of the last election sweep...not only do the Democrats retain the advantage with political activists...they also have taken the lead in fundraising. Nobody wants to waste their money by giving it to the Republicans. Republicans are starting to realize that Extreme Arrogance (Cheney) and Extreme Stupidity (Bush) are not effective leadership traits."

Professor Hampton continued, "The only time George Bush had a high level of popularity, was immediately following the invasion of Iraq...with the claim that Iraq was harboring Weapons of Mass Destruction, intended to be used against us. Bush's popularity has been steadily downhill ever since, and is currently at a disastrous level for the Republican Party."

"Only by precipitating a crisis with Iran, and fabricating a similar threat, to the now discredited WMD, can Republicans hope to reignite the blind patriotism which prevented the public from thinking critically during the disastrous invasion of Iraq," Professor Hamton concluded.

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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