Written by Helena Handbasket

Thursday, 20 September 2007

image for Ron Paul Grills Bernanke; Bush Says to be Fed is a Fine Job
This week, Fed chair Ben Bernanke injected millions in fiat currency into American pockets. Wall Street was greatly relieved.

20 Sept. 07, WASHINGTON, DC, USNA-- Rep. Ron Paul trapped Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke today into admitting the immorality of his ways. Tuesday, a crackling sound had emitted from Bernanke's magic wand as it rapidly zapped Middle America from coast to coast, and gold, oil, and grains immediately became more expensive-- again. Bernanke, however, prefers immorality to illegality, since immorality won't lose him his fine job.

Dr. Paul challenged the well-Fed chair, "Do we think we're going to solve the problem of inflation with more inflation? .... Is there any moral justification for deliberately devaluing the currency?" after providing thorough evidence that Bernanke's "zot" made commodities soar and, thus, the dollar plummet. Bernanke, faced with such irrefutable facts, affirmed that his fine job was to control inflation, and then pretended he was doing so. After sputtering long enough to distract Congress from the facts, he affirmed Dr. Paul's charges of immorality, saying, "I agree with you that the economy cannot grow in a healthy, stable way when inflation is out of control, and we will certainly make sure that that does not happen--" [Off-mike:] "Again."

However, Bernanke's choice appears to be necessary to protect investors who have been buying put options and selling short all last month. Since the dollar is at record lows against the euro, is at 1980 levels against gold, and has finally devalued to be equal only to some coin known as a "loonie", Dr. Paul appears justified in getting Fed up with Bernanke's protectionism for Wall Street and central bankers. Dr. Paul has often succeeded in bringing dangerous admissions from the over-Fed, such as when he forced the former chair, Andrea Mitchell-Greenspan's husband, to make such admissions as: "You cannot define [money,] the difficulty is in defining" (17 Feb 00) and "We have statutorily gone onto a fiat money standard, and as a consequence of that [Fed chairs] have inordinate power" (11 Feb 04).

Former President George W. Bush defended Bernanke in a press conference today, saying with characteristic loquacity, "I will comment on Ben Bernanke, I think he's doing a fine job." At the same conference, Bush had high praise for his new defense secretary, Robert Gates: "I've got a lot of trust in [Robert Gates], he's doing a fine job." His simultaneous characterization of the previous secretary was markedly different: "I respect Secretary Rumsfeld, I believe he did a fine job." Apparently Cabinet posts and Fed governorship are fine jobs.

Meanwhile, Dr. Paul, who has drillions of volunteers backing his candidacy for the Middle American presidency and garners five and six figures per speaking engagement, continues to press the international banking cartel to admit its quiet interest in global conquest and world domination. After all, Dr. Paul has a day job, and we hear he's doing fine.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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