To Promote Abstinence, Bush Begins 'Just say NO to vagina' Campaign

Funny story written by NickFun

Thursday, 9 August 2007

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for To Promote Abstinence, Bush Begins 'Just say NO to vagina' Campaign
Bush wants to discourage young boys from inserting their penises into vaginas like these

President Bush and his wife Laura announced today that the federal government will attempt to promote their Abstinence Only program and discourage teenage boys from having sex with a new $1.2 Billion 'Just say NO to vagina' advertising campaign.

"The problem is that teenage boys don't seem to be able to resist vaginas." Bush said. "When I was a youth we were satisfied with a quick breast feel or a peek at the panties. We understood that penile penetration of the vagina was a sacred act reserved for married adult couples. We must promote Christian values and celibacy by proclaiming the evils of unwed vaginas and inappropriate and underage coital insertion".

His wife Laura firmly agreed. "That's right", she said.

Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth P. Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H. believes that sex at too young an age can lead to both physical and mental challenges later in life. "Sex before the age of 21 can lead to physical problems such as impotency, kidney trouble, early onset Alzheimer's and obesity. Not to mention the usual litany of sexually transmitted diseases".

"Also", Moritsugu continued, "premature sex can lead to mental illnesses such as paranoia, schizophrenia and psychosis."

The advertising agency of Eileen & Ben Dover will be handling the television and print advertising for the new campaign. The television ad campaign will portray a young man locked in a straightjacket, rocking back and forth in his chair with an insane look in his eye as the announcer proclaims, "He though it would be OK to have sex at 16. He was wrong". The caption below reads: Just say NO to vagina".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more