Written by K.C. Bell

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

image for Romney And Man's Best Friend
Man bites dog.

A man with bullet train goals, Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney solved an overcrowded station wagon problem by tying the family dog's carrying case to the car roof, and driving 12-hours to visit his parents in Ontario, Canada. Some might call this a decisive example of executive action, like President Bush commuting Libby's prison sentence. Seamus, however, might just disagree.


Apparently, a few hours into the drive, Seamus announced his disagreement with the wind blast ride by developing a severe case of diarrhea, which was probably okay with the Captain of the ship, but the stuff trailed down the back window. Romney's five sons, all under 13 years and riding comfortably inside the station wagon, complained; most likely using the word: gross.

Arf. Libby isn't complaining.

No problem. The hopeful presidential candidate pulled over at a gas station, hosed down the car and Seamus, driving on with Seamus still on the car roof; guessing the boys did not continue to complain, as they could be joining Seamus. Why room was not made to accommodate Seamus in the station wagon remains a mystery. Few people, if any, would do this to the family pet rat, much less to man's best friend. This act surpasses shooting a friend in the face while duck hunting, or commuting the sentence of someone convicted of obstructing justice, and therefore should be sufficient to second Romney's nomination.


With transportation costs rising around the world, the Queen of England has been trying to cut costs. The monarch will not be tied to the roof of any station wagon, but may be traveling economy, sitting across the aisle on a future fight. She could turn out to be a Chatty Cathy armed with uber recipes to exchange, but one can always seek refuge by snapping on a headset and listening to music.

President Bush will have to vacate Air Force One in a year and a half, maybe sooner. Dick Cheney will probably be gifted with his own Air Force One when he vacates office, naming it Halliburton One. The plane could be armed with rockets and a gunner's turret that resembles Seamus tied to the station wagon roof. Somehow, Libby is ending up with a lighter sentence than Seamus.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Mitt Romney, Dogs

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