Written by Wire Piddle

Thursday, 21 June 2007

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A research team at Purdue University has developed a 3D simulation of the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Center. Their research is a culmination of a 2 1/2 year study into the attacks with the hope of aiding engineers in the design of safer buildings.

Preliminary results have prompted prominent engineers and architects to surmise that, in this post 9/11 world, tall, skyscraping buildings would be considerably safer if they were situated horizontally on the landscape rather than vertically.

Purdue engineering professor, Seigfried Mantz, who specializes in metal stress and fatigue elucidates: "Look, if you thrust a huge object into the atmosphere, and then fill it with people, it's obvious that the stresses are concentrated at the base of the huge object. Now add to that a flying projectile filled with jet fuel and hellbent on an interdiction with that huge object, well....you're just bound for calamity, aren't you?

"Now you take that same huge object and lay it out on the horizontal like, the loads are spread more evenly and over a greater area of land. At the same time you remove the obstruction considerably from the atmosphere thus precluding a similarly created interdiction from occurring."

When this reporter pointed out the other 9/11 example of the rather horizontally inclined Pentagon building, Professor Mantz hesitated for a second and then stated that his team's report is still in the preliminary stages; further inquiry may be needed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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