Mitt Romney Spars With John McCain Over Global Warming

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

image for Mitt Romney Spars With John McCain Over Global Warming
Mitt Romney enjoying a cool day on the ice

Mitt Romney today challenged John McCain to a one-on-one debate over global warming.

The two candidates have starkly different positions on the issue. Romney supports global warming, arguing that northern places like his current state of Massachusetts, as well as Michigan and Utah, where he has deep connections, benefit from a warmer environment. Pitted against Romney is John McCain, from Arizona, a state that gets, as he puts it, "pretty damn hot" in the summer. McCain also is a survivor of skin cancer, and is generally thought to take this issue quite personally. A few days ago, McCain referred to Romney as "Oven Mitt" when the issue arose.

With their opposing goals, their policy recommendations also conflict. Under Mitt Romney as governor, the state of Massachusetts has increased its use of fossil fuels by 50%. Romney jokingly boasts that he tries to use at least one aerosol can a day. John McCain, meanwhile, joined last month with Al Gore in calling for a "Star Wars" shield against the sun. Under their proposal, the US military would spend an estimated $10 trillion over the next 20 years launching mirrors into space. The mirrors would automatically position themselves in such a way as to reflect as much sunlight as possible away from the earth and back into space.

Unfortunately for McCain, Al Gore has defected from this last proposal. Gore has now become concerned about "Spatial Warming," which is to be the subject of his next documentary, in collaboration with Michael Moore. The mirror proposal could cause undue heating in space and lead to the melting of Martian glaciers.

John McCain's campaign has yet to respond to the Mitt Romney challenge.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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