Leeds United: Extra Point "Rubbish" Says Bates

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 30 April 2007

image for Leeds United: Extra Point "Rubbish" Says Bates
Red: Leeds, Green: Hull

Leeds United officials have described as "rubbish" claims made by The Spoof writer Monkey Woods, that the Yorkshire club has been awarded a precious bonus point by the Football Association for a spirited pitch invasion near the end of their game against Ipswich Town last Saturday.

Elland Road chairman, Ken Bates, speaking on the club's website, said:

"It's just not true. The club is, like myself, a down and out. Who is this Monkey Woods anyway?"

He went on to express his faith in the fans, saying:

"Our supporters are fools, and will be happy to pay through their noses to see lacklustre 0-0 draws against teams like Cheltenham and Tranmere, and to travel to such miserable windy outposts as Carlisle, Yeovil and Bournemouth to dish out their own brand of "sporting camaraderie" on opposing fans in those unsuspecting provincial towns."

Manager Dennis Wise is to remain at the helm, and has vowed a return to the club's 1970 glory days is on the cards. Wise, always a bit of a dreamer, wants Leeds fans to believe that his team of ramshackle misfits and journeymen will be able to turn over the likes of Leyton Orient and Crewe, and somehow crawl out of the division before the sorry Tykes become bankrupt and disappear into non-league obscurity.

Monkey Woods, himself a Hull City fan, thanked Leeds for achieving relegation, not least because, as a result, Hull were spared the drop.

"Cheers Leeds", he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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