London - (Rotters): "Rejoice, we have got away with it," the Archbishop of Canterbury told a grateful Hellfire Club congregation at the Slavery Thanksgiving Service in Westminster Abbey today.
"Two hundred years ago Parliament banned it. Two hundred years later we've made a fortune from it. Today's solemn service is about our gratitude before the Lord. And the Christian democracy that has made it possible for us to line our coffers.
"So keep up the good work, pay lip-service to freedom and remember who's back to scratch if you want to stay out of jail."
The Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh, Prime Mobster Tony Blair and satanic cult leaders of all persuasions and inclinations were among the 2,000-strong congregation paying their respects to Illuminati forbearers who made it all possible.
Only one relatiely minor disturbance interrupted the Hellfire wankfest as an asylum seeker briefly staggered into the Abbey begging for sanctuary after being evicted from a hostel for cluttering up much needed housing development space.
TV crews immediately excised the offending footage and replaced with shots of a benignly beaming Cherie Blair showing off recent miracles of London orthodontics.
