BILLINGSGATE POST: Say it isn’t true, Elmer. Just when you thought that you had seen it all with the allegations surrounding Byron Noem (husband of former DHS chief Kristi Noem), there comes a new set of pictures of Elmer Smuckmeister dressed as a sheep.
With pictures of Mr. Noem wearing a tight tee shirt over a set of size D’s, he was accused of engaging in “bimbofication,” which is loosely defined as expressing a penchant for large-breasted transformations. Now, with Elmer, we have a new niche fetish subculture that also no one had ever heard of before; and that is “sheepofication.”
Yes, sports fans. the man from Beaver Crossing that everyone considered the epitome of the straight and narrow, was identified in snapshots of himself dressed as a sheep. Although there were rumors of Elmer being seen in local watering spots with a comely young sheep in hand, most of the Beaver Crossing locals passed it off as being nothing more than an old man’s attempt to find intimacy after his wife passed away.
Although some of the town’s widows might have been miffed for being passed over by Elmer for a sheep, most of them were more than satisfied to hunker down in their BarcaLounger, remote in hand, and watch “I Love Lucy” reruns.
Just as Kristi Noem had no idea that her husband of many years was dressing up as a big-boobed Barbi Doll, as an expression of high self awareness that exceeded the societal expectations of common folk, those who knew Elmer best had no idea that his fetish had gone beyond that of an occasional tryst with his favorite sheep with a Montana Pole.
When interviewed by Beaver Crossing Gazette crack reporter, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, Smuckmeister related that he decided to toss away his inhibitions and go “balls to the wall” after listening to a Johnny Cash recording of “I Walk The Line.”
Dr. Slim: “In time and space, this means nothing.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Not an existential threat.”
