BILLINGSGATE POST: You might ask: How can a man with twelve doctorates be apprehended for impersonating a doctor? That is not a question with an easy answer. While most men lead lives of quiet desperation, searching to find themselves, Billingsgate was born to be a doctor.
His mum, who worked as a fish monger in a tough area of London eponymously named “Billingsgate,” could curse with the best of them. She was as tough as a longshoreman, but wanted nothing more than to have her children get respect. To avoid conformity, she named him “Doctor.” His siblings were named “King” “Queen,” and “Princess.”
Being a doctor from birth, it didn’t take long for him to embellish his credentials. At the age of sixteen he enrolled in the prestigious LaFontaine College located on Grand Cayman Island. Called the “Harvard of the Caribbean,” the school offered him the opportunity to earn Ph.D’s without attending class. In fact, there were no classrooms on the campus to attend. It wasn’t unusual for students to gather in front of the Administration Building (which also served as a garage) demanding to see Chancellor Cleotus Earlbeck, the founder of the prestigious college.
Billingsgate, who was on the college’s Ph.D Trifecta Plan, which allowed him to garner three doctorates at one time, chose Taxidermy, Marriage Counseling and Money Laundering to fill out his program. Graduating with highest honors, he received his three doctorate degrees from Chancellor Earlbeck in person, contrary to reports that the college was a mail order diploma mill.
With Taxidermy being his main gig, he was best known for stuffing Roy Rogers and his faithful horse Trigger in a twofer-one deal that didn’t include Dale Evans, who he reportedly mounted for free as an accommodation. You can now visit them where they are exhibited at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library and Museum in Simi Valley, California.
How was the good doctor to know that he was under surveillance while returning to his cave in the Galapagos where he was studying the mating habits of the Giant Tortoise?
Dr. Slim: “I didn’t know they had cops on the Galápagos Islands. WTF?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Show me an island with no cops, and I will show you Gilligan’s Island, where anarchy reigns.”
