BILLINGSGATE POST: It doesn’t take much to send the little village of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, all a Twitter, especially over the holidays. Not since the city elders decided to put a BarcaLounger lane in the main street has there been such widespread gossip: This time about the coming and going of the town’s most famous resident, Elmer Smuckmeister.
Smuckmeister, who came out some years ago as a “non-binary,” had had his fill of the town’s ubiquitous collection of pinch-mouth widows, who after driving their late husbands to an early grave, couldn’t wait to put their shackles on the only man over 60 still alive in the community.
A “man’s man” for many years, he became dispirited with the opposite sex when Amanda Hegsdorf, who he had met at the local Kareoke bar, pulled out her false teeth and bit him on the neck for singing off key while warbling one of her favorite songs, “One Day At A Time,” by Cristy Lane.
“I’m only human, I’m just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb…”
It was about that time that one of his sheep started to look a lot better to Elmer. The rest is history.
Dr. Slim: “Who would have guessed that when Smuckmeister came to the fork in the road, that he would go this direction?”
Dirty: “If sheep are the answer, what is the question?”
