BILLINGSGATE POST: It was back in 2011 when Dr. Billingsgate first proposed building a moat from Brownsville, Texas to San Diego and staffing it with underemployed alligators as a way to secure our southern border.
Initially recommended by Dr. Billingsgate nearly 14 years ago, it was discredited by soft-hearted liberals because Billingsgate also suggested the moat be staffed by deputizing hungry alligators who were starving for victims in the waterways of Florida. Although the thought of children being snatched from their mother's arms by ravenous gators seems horrible to some, the good doctor pointed out that dying of thirst crossing the desert ain't no picnic either.
Billingsgate also pointed out that the cost effectiveness of replacing Border Patrol agents with these reptillian killing machines was indisputable. With the average agent pulling down $86,000 in salary and benefits, in addition to the millions saved by not having to arm and deploy these agents in gas eating vehicles, there was little doubt that this would be a win-win solution. It was also estimated that it would gainfully employ 300,000 construction workers for six years, a win-win situation.
Furthermore, it is virtually impossible to bribe an alligator. Although the vicious cartels might attempt to divert these slimy sentinels by dumping body parts of newly eviscerated victims, most gators prefer live bait.
All this is still true. And that is why President Trump is attending the grand opening of “Alligator Alcatraz” tomorrow.
The Trump administration is turning a remote Florida airport into a facility that officials say will hold up to 5000 people. Completely surrounded by inhospitable waterways inhabited by hungry alligators and 20 foot pythons, the facility will not have to worry about anyone escaping.
Trump: “Although a beautiful idea to build a moat from Brownsville to San Diego was first conceived by Dr. Billingsgate a number of years ago and staffing it with alligators, the cat is out of the bag. We have millions of people who are already here; criminals and lunatics from everywhere. Thanks to Governor DeSantis and his staff of alligator enforcement agents, we can now process these people and send them back to where they belong.”
Dr. Slim: It’s about time Dr. Billingsgate was recognized for his futuristic plan to utilize alligator enforcement agents.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. An idle alligator is the devil’s playmate.”
