New York City, NY - (Teenage Glandular Secretions): There is feverish internet speculation tonight amid claims of a Justice Department stitch-up, after convicted serial pervert, Jeffrey Epstein, was busted at his swanky Upper East Side home.
The sexagenarian billionaire’s arrest sees US attorney General Andy Fark officially recused from oversight of proceedings on grounds of possible ‘contamination’.
"Help me someone, I'm a carpet muncher, help me reform, send me African women," says Epstein.
His previous involvement in the defendant’s sex court cases bar witnesses from current litigation which could potentially see Epstein jailed for up to three months.
Commenting on the Justice Department impasse, a NYC deep throat told reporters that ‘it all boils down to over-active teenage glans’.
Epstein, 69, is scheduled to appear at a NYC bail hearing on July 15, but until then will he remain behind bars.
