COLUMBIA, South Carolina - (Spoof News) - In a move that has left local chefs and foodies in a state of utter disbelief, the South Carolina state senate has voted to ban the use of salt in all food preparation.
The vote was spurred by a wave of concern over the state's high obesity rates, which many lawmakers believe can be attributed to excessive salt intake.
As everyone knows 18 grains of salt contain 74% of the daily minimum salt requirement. Those 18 grains also contain high traces of sodium, riboflavin, Shindulytes, and Brontonians, which are all responsible for causing obesity.
But critics of the bill say it goes too far, and argue that salt is a fundamental ingredient in many beloved dishes, from shrimp and grits to fried chicken.
Local restaurant owner Bubba-Joe McAllister is already feeling the pinch. "How am I supposed to make my famous hushpuppies without salt?" he fumed. "It's like telling Picasso he can't use the color blue!"
Meanwhile, Governor Henry McMaster has promised to crack down on salt smugglers, warning that any individuals caught with salt in their possession will face hefty fines and possibly even jail time.
The state's salt ban has also caught the attention of the food industry, with rumors swirling that celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is planning to open a new restaurant in Charlotte, North Carolina called "Salty Tears", featuring a menu full of illicitly salted dishes.
Only time will tell how this salty saga will end.
