Oklahoma - A cheap and effective alternative to the electric chair, hanging, and walking the plank is being backed by Oklahoma Governor Mercy Chantilly Lace, a recent convert of a one-way trip to Mars.
A trip to Mars is touted as the new NASA joyride of choice for death row inmates, after tests showed it produces valuable data for NASA's future colonization plans of the red planet.
In the event some of the convicts don't make it to the red marble, it will be a rapid descent into hell when their frozen corpses are launched into deep space and float away to crash into a distant world, to seed a new civilization of dormant Tardigrades strapped to their bodies in a NASA heat-shielded container.
And it's a milestone despite overcasting-nutter's claims about its productive reputation as a major detraction from more important issues, like supplying society with bologna meat made with 30 percent nutritious Insect Meal Mash produced at the InnovaFeed factory. Where have all the flies gone to?
Governor Mercy's decision is backed by favorable stats showing an average death rate for anyone wanting to travel to Mars on a perilous journey.
That makes it an attractive proposition for dispatching death row prisoners scheduled for execution by traditional methods, such as witch dunking and/or tar and feathering.
The state's firing squad remains also an option for those inmates who decide that a Disney trip to a Mars colony is just too good for them. With critics vying for TV ratings, there are plenty of them ready to proclaim to couch potatoes the unnecessary extravagance facing the would-be travelers. Mars is all good news for Oklahoma's firing squad brigade. "I needed the day off because I have to pick up diapers for a future death row convicts," jokes inbred louse brigade member badge number 19.
"The lucky frozen ones can also be used as carbon fuel in the launching of rockets from Mars to Uranus, the next vacation hotspot for death row mates." A spokesperson for The United Homeless of Oklahoma commented, "In case Governor Mercy opts to enter the space race, we need more beds in the Ace; it's predicted to be cold this winter."
200 pounds of convict bum can be purchased elsewhere on Craigslist. Iran is selling them like hotcakes.
