WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The FBI has informed Trump that the US Secret Service is not his own personal security detail, and they have made it quite clear that if they even remotely try to stand in the way of justice being carried out, then they will have to answer to President Biden.
An FBI spokesperson has said that Trump The Chump may try to run, but the Orange Tressed Liar will not be able to hide, much like Jimmy Hoffa, Madalyn Murray O'Hair, Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson, and El Chapo were not able to evade being captured.
Trump, according to his one and only remaining friend, Greg "The Swamp Monster" Gutfeld, is so upset, depressed, and despondent that he is starting to eat some of the daisies in his master bedroom.
He is also having his usual daily 10 Big Macs brought in, and now, along with a KFC order of Cluck Cluck Spicy Wings, half a dozen Taco Cabana Chicken Fajita and Asparagus Tacos, and ten cornbread squares from Cracker Barrel.
One of the Mar-a-Lago maids stated in strictest confidence that she is afraid that the Old Wrinkled Orange Prune is going to explode like a gigantic tangerine-colored balloon. ■
