WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - Well the man who thought he could say and do any fucking thing he wanted is now depressed and so sad that he is eating up a storm.
BuzzFuzz writer Taffeta Kixx, reports that Alex "The Tub of Lard" Jones has gained 43 pounds in just the past two weeks, and the human volcano now tips the scales (literally) at 319 pounds.
Alex is so damn ugly even the cheapest Brooklyn whore turns his fat, humongous ass down when he says he'll pay for sex.
Jones who has been described as being uglier than a monkey with the runs, must pay the federal government $3.9 billion (with a B) for saying shit that he knew in his shitass brain was not only wrong and evil, but totally fucking fabricated. ■
