HOUSTON - (Satire News) - Two of the most hated men in the state of Texas are Gov. Greg "Wheelchair Willie" Abbott and Sen. Ted "Dracula" Cruz.
The Alpha Beta News Agency recently named both GOPunks, "The Two Ugliest Looking Creepy Assholes In The State of Texas."
Gov. Shit Face, told the ABNA that he knows for a fact that there are at least 3 or 4 men who are uglier than him. Cruz said the same exact damn thing.
The news agency wrote a secondary story and simply said, "No Greggy and Teddy, you two evil-looking, Mars monsters are without out a doubt the two ugliest looking douche bags, not only in Texas, but in the entire south."
BuzzFuzz just reported that Ted Cruz was at the Lady Bird Johnson Mall in downtown Houston, when he was arrested by HPD officers for scaring the hell out of a group of Brownie Girl Scouts, ages 8 and 9.
SIDENOTE: The Abbott/Cruz sweater can be purchased for $19 plus tax at abbottandcruzareassholes.yes