AUSTIN, TX – Texas Governor Greg Abbott today signed legislation into law obligating all Texas residents and elected officials to publicly and openly 'mock' people from other states whenever they mention any of the perceived benefits related to natural gas and electric cooperatives in their home areas.
"Today is a very special day for the citizens of Texas!" Gov. Abbott announced from the state Capitol during the signing ceremony. "No longer must we sit quietly and listen to molly-coddled residents of other states boast about the so-called benefits of participating in citizen-owned nonprofits that deliver gas and electricity to its customers at capped, affordable rates, supported by city, state, and federal grants and cumulative customer donations. Their smarmy left-wing elitism regarding their co-ops progressive reinvestments of what would otherwise be billions in God-given profits into infrastructure improvements and rebates is sickening!"
The governor praised his state's 100% for-profit privatized power and gas industries that operate in a completely deregulated market. During the devastating 2021 winter storms and the accompanying extended cold snap, wholesale prices surged to $9,000/MWh (typically $50/MWh) and were passed on to the (un)lucky consumers who happened to not lose power during that period.
"Capitalism is our founding principle," Gov. Abbott said, "and we honor the brave sacrifices of the nearly 700 honorable Texans who, lacking power, heat, and food during the winter storms, died defending our proud Texas power grid's separation from the two major national grids so that we could patriotically avoid Federal oversight. Import other states' power during emergencies? 'Nay' I say! They deserve to be mocked!"
Notably, the damages caused by the Texas power and gas infrastructure's inability to handle the cold wave and winter storms were estimated at more than $195 billion. "That's 195-billion dollars in future payrolls," the governor added, "apportioned by the federal government as a subsidy to our proud mega-corporations so that they can upgrade and winterize their infrastructure." The governor added that they had accepted the funds begrudgingly, "It doesn't mean we condone socialist handouts! We're just doing it to appease those cry-babies in Washington."
