Governor Newsom observed in thick traffic through LA using his middle finger

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 12 October 2021

image for Governor Newsom observed in thick traffic through LA using his middle finger
Freeway stimulation is common among today's politicians, according to experts

Following his survival of the recent recall election in California, analysts of Governor Newsom notice he has resumed steaming full ahead.

A non-gender aisle for toys in major stores is his latest act of guarding the populace from the idea that only aisles for boy toys and girl toys should be offered to children.

His mandate-urges have also come on forcefully since the population decided he should remain governor of this state.

Generally, Californians put on the mask in the morning and leave it there (or hanging off one ear) for the next twelve hours.

Requests to salute instead of wear a mask are being considered by the California legislature.

The state's problems such as crime, homelessness, fire danger, water crises, and cost of gasoline and rent fall considerably short in importance versus the imperative to make sure people wear masks.

Indeed, although cases drop presently, there is no let up in emphasizing vaccinations and masks.

Children should wear masks on the playgrounds, as with everyone in restaurants when in an upright position (versus sitting).

Nevertheless, controversy again dogs the governor with yet another inconsistency, as with the latest news that his own daughter is not yet vaccinated.

This despite the governor's mandate that ALL students must get the jab.

Amidst these gestures from the governor, the California Highway Patrol (CHP) has surfaced a new whistle-blower.

The CHP monitors traffic on the freeways as to what is going on when driving through Los Angeles. Hence to this insider knowledge.

Rumor has it Mr. Newsom disdains having a chauffeur after a youth of wild driving through the Malibu Canyon area where he developed certain habits.

Tension relief in joy-of-traffic-weaving-and-streaming is one of these habits, according to the anonymous CHP officer.

In fact, 100 mph with lane switching in heavy traffic as a source of stimulation is common on the California freeway systems.

The officer hesitated to find symbolic applications of this behavior to the governor's career.

Apparently, at high rates of speed Mr. Newsom favors singing and offering the middle finger of his right hand.

A sample (possibly inspired by Janis Joplin):

O Lord won't you give me
A fast movin' lane
I got me a ride here
And I'm not to blame

Don't hang in my side mirror
Don't clog up the lane
I'm coming on now, babe
Plus I'm not to blame!

Mr. Newsom is also a contender for the presidency, should Mr. Biden consider stepping aside for a second term.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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