Parliament, London, England. Dec. 30, 1773 Woof Blister with a SINful report for Spoof International News.
Lord Acton, chief of the Royal Bureau of Investigation, today branded Sam Adams and the other members of the so-called Boston Tea Party as "domestic terrorists".
"The December 16 atrocity in Boston Harbor was a criminal act, perpetrated by radical militias inspired by the harangue of Sam Adams, who urged them, telling them to 'fight like Hell', and he would join them, but he never showed up. They may call themselves 'Sons of Liberty" or "Patriots", but they are dangerous criminals.
"They hacked into our secure but defenseless ships, using pickaxes to gain access to the cargo of tea, dumping it into the harbor. This was a violation of the clean air and water law, as well as a violation of the shippers' rights. We have reason to believe that Adams wants to take over the tea trade for himself, sailing his leaky tubs that no one really wants to use."
Lord Acton said the RBI has a list of 300 rioters who will soon be rounded up, prosecuted and jailed, or maybe sent to the gallows.