First Look At Biden’s Inaugural Speech

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 18 January 2021

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Happy Days Are Here Again!

Joseph Biden will climb down the steps of the Capitol Building to the microphone, wait for the applause to stop, remove his Ray-Ban's, then say:

“Daddy’s here! The Trump nightmare is over. The nation and the rest of the world can get out from under the bed. The boogeyman has left the White House and has gone south to the alligators in Florida! Hooyah!”

He anticipates a ten-minute standing ovation plus a few cannon shots. If the ovation lasts longer than ten minutes, Biden will lapse into a River Dance back and forth across the stage.

“Folks, my granddaughter, Dublin-Irish O'Malley, asked me, “Pops, was he a clown?” and I said, “Dublin-Irish, with all that makeup, eye white, plastic hair, baggy suit, fat-tie, and swinging overcoat, I’d have to say yes!”

There should follow another ten-minute ovation, and perhaps more River Dance.

“And folks, when I have something to say, I’ll come right out and say it, face to face, like a man, and no more sneaky, bone spurs, peek-a-boo, chicken liver tweets, packed with grammar and spelling errors. And won’t it be great to have a first lady who can express herself without using the F-word, two and three times in one sentence?”

He’ll ask Jill to take a bow. She will.

Then Biden will list all the actions he intends to perform Day One at the White House: Breakfast in bed of Irish grits. Then to the Oval Office and reverse all Trump policies introduced during the last horrendous four years. Take a two-mile swim in the Potomac. Then back to work.

“Folks, I’m going to make America the great nation it was before that clown stole the presidency four years ago from Hillary Clinton.”

More applause.


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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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