WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The iNews Agency is reporting that Nancy Pelosi is fit to be tied, as she stated that the asshole, redneck, piece-of-shit Anarchist, who broke into her Capitol building office stole her bottle of birth control pills.
Kitty Segovia, with iNews asked the 80-year-old, if she was really taking birth control pills at her age.
The speaker of the house replied that it’s really no one’s damn business what pills she takes and for what.
She did pause and added that she has been taking a certain type of BCP that actually helps her keep her boobs from sagging.
Pelosi said that before she started taking them, her nipples hung down around her belly button.
And just since she's been on the pills, both tits have actually tightened up, and now her two nipples are standing at attention, and actually look more like Ivanka Trump’s boobs, instead of like Kirstie Alley’s.
Pelosi told Miss Segovia that she is planning on writing a book on Trump titled, “Trump and His Tiny Little Limp Pee-Pee Are Both Positively Worthless.”